Hey, so in September I posted about the blog I had decided to do for my politics class.

Well, it's the end of the semester and all my posts for it are done! Although I hope I'll keep posting on it... I'll see.

So, if you'd like to check it out, here it is :)  The topic was religion.  I am so interested in religious issues.

And to make this post more interesting? Here's my tweetcloud for twitter.

I'm @icebar_ on there, btw. Follow me!  As long as you don't mind about 1,000 more tweets on your feed :P

This might be put into a larger fic, but for now here's a little Kradam story I felt like posting.

 ( They say if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, it means you’re gay )

Don't tell me I'm free.

I was behind bars from the moment I was born.

Title: Let it Rain
Author: icebar
Rating: PG-13, there is swearing, idk
Pairing: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert
Fandom: American Idol
Length: 1739 words
Disclaimer: this didn't happen (but it should) and alas i own nobody within
Summary: Kris goes to Adam's house. It's raining. Stuff happens. It takes place in LA (is that obvious?).
Warnings/Notes: this is for poppetawoppet, who bid in the ontd_aicharity auction. thanks to aki_hoshifor beta'ing.

( ☂☁☂☁☂☁☂ )</span>

The problem with college is that there's no place to bawl your eyes out, except for maybe in the shower. But then when you actually get the time to shower, maybe around midnight, you're so tired and you feel like the spray on your exposed body is millions of tears, going down the drain and pulling your thoughts with them. So you don't cry, you just succumb to blankness and soap and shampoo and rushing water. And as you mechanically dry yourself off with the towel that you forgot to put in the laundry last week, you tell yourself crying can wait until tomorrow.

Let me set the scene. At about 1:00 last night... or this morning, I should say... I was lying in my bed watching youtube videos on my phone under the covers, as I sometimes do at 1 AM when my roommate is sleeping and I don't feel like going to sleep even though I should.

Just then, my phone vibrated. I have it set to vibrate when I get emails. In my inbox, there was a notification from facebook. tasheila actually goes to my school (that's why she's facebook friends with me--there's a whole story, for another day, about how we didn't realize we both were members of the same lj comm), but she also goes to ontd_ai, and had left me a comment saying, simply, "YOU NEED TO GO ON ONTD_AI NOW."

So of course I did. Upon seeing the post entitled "SO ABOUT THAT FOURTH WALL..." I was mildly amused; it talked about how Jim Cantiello (@jambajim, from MTV news, who reports about AI a lot) had tweeted about reading kradam fanfic at some big gathering with celebrities. It was definitely pretty crazy, but I was still sort of confused as to why tasheila thought I absolutely needed to see this post. Nonetheless, I wrote back on her wall saying "LOL OMG THANK YOU", or something of the sort, and commented in the post, saying "OMFG LOLOL I WANNA KNOW WHICH ONE HE READ THIS IS CRAZYYYY". Oh, the irony.

Then... I really read the comments. People were talking about me, saying something about my fic, and I was getting really confused--mind you, I was still trying to read all of this on the tiny screen of my phone under the covers. When I finally realized what was going on, that somebody at this party had apparently read aloud part of ONE OF MY KRADAM FANFICTIONS, I was basically horrified. I was shaking and breathing heavily as I got up and ran downstairs in my pajamas to the computer room in my dorm: I needed a bigger screen and a place to flail sufficiently, even if it was almost 2 AM already.

To make a long story short, Jim had tweeted this:
@jambajim So Ad-rock, John Norris, Claire Danes, and Kim Stolz heard fan fic tonite. In it, Kris told Adam, "I guess I'm 99% straight...and 1% you."
(this is a line from part 2 of one of my fics which is now pretty widely known... infamous, even...)
and then this:
@jambajim Ok last Tweet. I didn't read Kradam fan fiction! Tony Award nominee @kennymellman did. Whilst singing "Time for Miracles!" HAHAHA! G'nite.

By page 3 of the ontd_ai post, they had figured out the quote was from one of my fics. People were @replying me on twitter, feeling sorry for me in comments, "LOL"ing... a variety of different reactions to the fact that Jim and other people like Claire Danes had heard Kradam fanfic, or basically a mashup of a bunch of different fics.

Being the author of one of them was different. I experienced dread, confusion, happiness, amusement, embarrassment, all within the space of about an hour. That fic was the first I ever wrote, not counting a few poems, and it contained some things that were not the best examples of my writing. So there's that aspect, and I just hope people don't judge my other fics from that one. I thank the people that complemented me on it, but I also know that some think it was just average fic, so I take that into consideration.

Obviously it's not the end of the world. I'm not famous--not that many people even really care. And both my friends and fellow members at ontd_ai and gossipcandy.com have overall been so supportive and nice, and as some of them say, proud of me. I'm not quite proud of myself; frankly, I wish the whole thing hadn't happened because I got 6 hours of sleep last night where I would have gotten 7 or 8, and it just brought on a whole slew of emotions that were not needed at this point in the semester. Not to mention the fact that people read a fic of mine... Mine, of all people! ...which wasn't by any means epic or worthy of such recognition, in my opinion.

It's a whole other issue, and one that I'm trying not to to think about, whether Kris or Adam has read any fic.  Famous people like this tweeting lines from fanfic doesn't really help.  I would be mortified if they read any of mine, but I wouldn't really be able to do anything about it...

So, those were my thoughts on the matter, if you were interested, which you probably weren't.

Hi Jim, if you're here. Maybe don't drink and tweet so often, hmm? Thanks dude.

-icebar

 

 There is a lot I could say about Adam Lambert.

Back when I first found out who he was, it seems like he was exactly what I needed.  It was my first year of college, and I decided to start watching American Idol auditions online in my free time.  Once I caught up with all the auditions I would go down to the TV room in my dorm on Wednesday and Thursday nights to watch the show.  Sometimes, if I missed it, I would watch the next day on my computer. 

Pretty soon it was clear to me who my favorite should be.  I’ve always kind of gone for the gay guys, but Adam was someone different, someone I identified with.  I’ve always been an outcast, only coming into the spotlight when I have honed in on something I’m truly good at.  So that must have been what I saw in Adam: a spirit of bringing something fiery and new to the banal background of reality television, as winter was settling in around me on an old college campus in rural New England.  He was interesting and original: something I was also trying to figure out how to be.

I said practically nothing about my growing obsession with Adam out loud.  Sometimes I would hint that I watched the show, but most of my fangirling took place online, while in actual conversation my love for him was always stifled.  At first I went to idolforums.com, but the environment there was pretty hostile to other contestants (I liked Allison and Kris, too) and didn’t seem to fit.  I officially stopped visiting it regularly when the pressure to vote—frantically and only for Adam—became too much. 

The pressure was so strong, in fact, that on top 4 night I voted roughly 800 times for Adam when I had no texting plan on my phone.  I had been momentarily taken over by the over-the-top passion and determination of the Adam forum on IDF, and it was not my style.  I finally realized this after my parents had an angry talk to me over the phone about the bill I had cost them by texting the word “vote” almost 1,000 times.  It had a happy ending, though, because eventually my parents decided money would be better spent buying a ticket to the live tour.

So I didn’t vote anymore, and I didn’t visit the Adam forum anymore; just the “fans of Kradam” thread, which I had come to love and feel comfortable in. 

For the final shows I was still on campus.  I would literally run all over the place with my computer in hand (so I could chat in the Kradam forum) looking for a free TV room to watch the show in.  I remember on the night of the finale, a girl came in halfway through who wanted to watch a basketball game, so during the commercial I dashed over to another dorm in a panic and with a full bladder, not wanting to miss a second.

As the results were announced, I was curled up in a ball, sick to my stomach, practically whimpering.  I didn’t start sobbing when Kris won, but it was definitely painful.  The pain eventually subsided and I would later go back to knowing it didn’t matter who won, and Kris deserved it, a conclusion I had been growing towards all season.  But that night, as I walked out of a dark, deserted, unfamiliar dorm in a daze, I didn’t know what to think.  I called my mom, who had also watched the last two shows, as I took a seat in a lawn chair on the campus green and gazed up at the stars at 10 PM.  She was unhappy about the results; she thought the wrong decision had been made.  I voiced that I agreed weakly (I wasn’t about to admit to her that I loved Kradam and their amazing bromance, or describe how good friends they were).  Then I slowly walked back to my own room, just soaking in the dark heat of the summer night, and telling myself that it was all going to be OK.

A month later when I got home, I dyed my hair blue.  That was when “Adam Lambert” became a household name.  It was my reason for dying my hair—I have never dyed it before and I’m a very introverted person—which I would cite in response to my brother’s objections, and it was my motivation for going to Barnes and Noble 30 minutes before work to buy his interview in Rolling Stone.

I still don’t tell people in public I dyed my hair blue because of him.  I still have never said anything in real life about my Kradam shipping, or fanfic writing. 

But I have become more proud, and more certain of myself.  I'm seeing him live tomorrow.  I'm just coming home for less than a day to see him, because his music has become one of my passions.

So, yes, I have blue hair because I like the color blue.  But it's also because I like Adam Lambert.  And I don’t need to explain that to anyone, because it’s just for me.  He’s helped me to become an individual, one who is brave and who doesn’t care how many times the same Adam Lambert songs are put on shuffle on her iPod.  He’s helped me on my way to becoming me, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

people should go check out the ontd_ai auction for adam lambert's donorschoose.org charity contest.
people can bid on my fanfic (i am offering a 2000+ word fic and 2 1000+ word fics) but there are a ton of other things to bid on.
check it out! <3

i wrote a short 300-word KRADAM drabble for the first round of the ai_drabblememe
so i just wanted to share it here!
this was the prompt:

fakeplasticsnow 2009-08-26 12:29 pm (local) (link)

I am OBSESSED with this quote from the musical Aida: "I will search through a hundred lifetimes to find you again." So, any pairing, Kris/Adam if you want to, backstage/tour bus/Idol mansion, talking about reincarnation. Like, they obviously love each other in that deep, real way but they know they can't ever be together, and Kris isn't bummed about that at all because he's optimistic they'll meet again in the next life.

 

( ~click here~ )

Title: And it Hurts
Rating: G/PG
Pairing: Kradam, but very Kris-centric
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters within
Word Count: about 900
Summary: Basically this is an exploration into what Kris would think if he watched THIS VIDEO of Adam at Upright Cabaret singing I Can’t Make You Love Me. Pretty short. Really angsty… lol sorry. Also pretty sad.  Please watch the video if you haven’t yet, or haven’t in a while.
Author’s Note: I had a lot of trouble getting this posted, for some reason. After getting it beta’ed (thanks so much joannacullen <3), I couldn’t look at it for almost a month. Then I had someone else read it over to give me a fresh perspective (ryden_exists28 I love you). So today, I read it again myself and realized I have nothing to be afraid of and should just post it. Please enjoy. Sorry if I make you cry with the video…

 

( And I will give up this fight. )

Rainy Day Peanut Butter Time

Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: pretty G i think
Warnings: none
Summary: This is a short drabble written for the drabble meme on ontd_ai.
Kradam Prompt 20: Adam/Kris, while Kris is sitting with Adam eating a snack, he realizes he's falling in love with Adam. Post-Idol.

( ☂☁click here☁☂ )




Bus Ride to Arkansas

Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Warnings: fuck x 2.  kris is sexy.  i don't think you mind that, though.
Summary: This is a short drabble written for the drabble meme on ontd_ai. 
Kradam Prompt 4: Kradam.  Explain Kris's lack of buttons


( ⊙⊙⊙click here⊙⊙⊙ )

Limo

Pairings: Kradam, maybe a little Manoop?  also Kradison friendships
Rating: G!
Warnings: none!
Summary: written for the 2nd ontd_ai  scavenger hunt, where we had to write a drabble based on THIS PICTURE



( ╭╯╰╮ click here╭╯╰╮ )

 

 Title: Life in the Sandbox
Author: icebar
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kris Allen/Adam Lambert
Fandom: American Idol
Length: a little over 1300 words
Disclaimer: i don't own kris or adam, and this is a work of fiction. 
Summary: kris' POV: meeting adam stirs up a memory from his past.  includes photos as illustration.
Warnings/Notes: boys kiss, so obviously kris is being unfaithful there :/  nothing else bad though.. this is very schmoopy.. and.. oh idk how to describe it, you'll have to read it yourself!
credit for first photo used: http://www.flickr.com/photos/seandreilinger// CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
3rd photo from: http://www.lambert-pics.com
thank you to joannacullen for helping me w/ this!